“Co-parenting is not a competition between two homes, it is a collaboration of parents doing what is best for the kids.” –Heather Hetchler

 

While surfing the Internet, my eyes landed on a profound Google ad, “Are you single and want to have a baby?” I sighed, was Google spying on me or listening to my conversations, because I really do want to have a baby someday. There is just one small problem, I don’t have a parenting partner and I’m conflicted on how I want to make a baby happen.

 

Not much surprises me these days, but my head has started to feel like a jungle. I was recently introduced to the idea and the underground world of co-parenting … on purpose. The non-traditional concepts of co-parenting had crossed my mind, but on less formal terms. I commonly joke with a good guy-friend, who looks like a modern day superman, about being my sperm donor someday for example, but I didn’t realize non-romantic involvement co-parenting was a “thing” and relevant choice people were actively choosing in real life.

 

Then I stumbled on the site Modamily. It is a service that pairs willing co-parents (males and females) who want to create and raise a child together. For $30 a month, I could browse the site like Match.com and search for want-to-be fathers in my area, talk, chat, and discuss upfront possible parenting styles. It seemed like an efficient way to start a nontraditional family.

 

 

It wasn’t until I was being interviewed for a reality documentary show called, Co-Parent that confirmed what I was already learning. The Hollywood producers talked to me about their real life documentary about couples wishing to co-parent after finding me through my website and social media network pages. I was totally open to the idea and the reality show. Maybe this documentary was the answer. It wasn’t like I had much luck with other methods of finding a partner. Ironically, I was starting the prep and planning process to go through another round of egg freezing, but with the intention of making embryos with donated sperm in addition to freezing more eggs.

 

The creation of embryos idea came about after a lengthy conversation with a good egg freezing friend, who recently went back to used her frozen eggs she froze 5 years ago. The decision to become a choice mom did not come easy for her. She struggled with the fact that even though she gave herself those additional 5 fertility years, that time did not manifest into finding love or a parenting partner. She finally accepted that reality and picked a sperm donor, after her known-donor friend never panned out. She learned during that process, if she wanted to use a known donor, it would cause a 6-month delay for the sperm to be quarantined at the clinic.

 

This was a big step for her both mentally and physically. She had been dealing with tons of health setbacks and the fact that she was finally implanting her one healthy embryo was mind blowing. She was doing this. I was so proud of her, but also fearful for myself that this would also be my reality sooner verse later.

 

 

A few weeks after, she shared with me the sad news that while she initially became pregnant from her transfer, 72-hours after that discovery, she was not pregnant anymore and called it a chemical pregnancy. It seemed like God was playing a cruel joke on her. Her one shot of motherhood now gone. That conversation made me realize a new reality. Egg freezing is easy, but making embryos or becoming pregnant is hard.

 

I shared that original dream my friend had … hoping that our egg freezing journey was just a “Plan B” option until Mr. Right shows up. But when Mr. Right didn’t appear, her desire for motherhood outweighed the desire of waiting for the right relationship. She had already been married and then divorced. Having a child on her own seemed like the next fitting step and chapter.

 

I guess that is what happens in you are in your 40s. Life deals you a set of cards that may not lead to a loving romantic parent-friendly relationship. I see it all the time with my group of friends, who are a few years older than me. I’m the baby in the group, but I like having older and wiser friends. I would say, age is just a number until reproduction is in play. Most of the time, I never think about age, but I learn a great deal from other’s experiences. By having older friends, I don’t have to go through the same heartache and learn life lessons before they ever happen to me. Romantic relationships have not been easy and I’m not alone in that fact.

 

 

Then before going to bed, I saw Sara Blakley’s Instagram post talking about how she felt the pressure to get married and start a family in her 20s and 30s. Sara had become one of the youngest self-made billionaires at 27-years-old by starting and founded Spanx out of her apartment. I realized that even all that success did not immune her to the same social struggles I was facing too. You never know where life will take you. I’m planning to just tackle these feelings and emotions one day at a time. I guess this is where we have to trust the process and enjoy the ride.