“Don’t waste your time looking back for what you have lost. Move on for life wasn’t meant to be traveled backward.” –Unknown
Early morning flights seem to be my favorite as the likelihood for cancellation or delays is minimized. I always book the early flights if I can. They seem to be less painful and ensure I can get to my destination with the least amount of hassle. Plus there is an added benefit, how it is usually so early people are less inclined to get into a conversation beyond niceties and a little small talk.
As I connected to the onboard wifi and tried to complete some work, I overhear the lady in front of me telling her seatmate how she apologizes ahead of time if she gets sick on this flight. “I’m pregnant … with twins,” she said and goes on to explain how this was her first flight since finding out about the pregnancy. The ladies exchanged girlie congrats and baby plans.
The plane was ultra quiet. It was too early to have conversations like the one happening in front of me. I couldn’t help but hear every detail as she described and shared her journey getting pregnant. It wasn’t like the journey was a cake-walk. Despite being in mid-to-late 20s, she struggled for 6-months trying with no luck and then did one IUI with a fertility specialist that resulted in her current pregnancy with her husband. I found myself feeling slightly envious of her situation. She was married and now pregnant with twins. Even strangers’ lives were moving forward, I thought. Then I caught myself. I wouldn’t really change anything in my life. Was I ready for the next steps in life, sure, but I’m only hearing the cliff note versions of this situation. I don’t know much more than that.
It is easy to feel like everyone else’s life is moving forward meanwhile, my own life is standing still or never changes. I don’t really date. I like to blame that on my line of work that keeps me in the air and traveling too fast to meet anyone substantial. But the real truth is dating is exhausting, disappointing, and feels like a waste of time. Maybe the shift of online dating to app dating has made quality people seem like a needle in a haystack. Or maybe others like myself, just don’t have time to play dating games on their phones.
Photo credit by Radell Peischler
Later that evening, I had plans to meet up with some close girlfriends for happy hour. We are all in similar places in life or relatable situations. Our relationship started because we all joined “The Egg Club” i.e. we froze our eggs in the hopes to have a family someday. It is nice to find other women, like Radell Peischler and Kara Egber to vent the common frustrations we all faced. Together in our friendship, we realized we were not alone. We discussed current events of our lives, mutual friends, and experiences using their frozen eggs or having problems getting pregnant. Around cocktails, Kara told two heart-warming stories of friends she knew who suffered from infertility, but in the end got the same result of a baby.
Kara explained how one couple’s situation seemed good number wise. They had retrieved 16 eggs, which resulted in 6 embryos (Day 5 blastocyst embryos). But as their journey continued embryo by embryo passed until the last one resulted in a pregnancy. Kara went on to explain how the other friend only had 4 eggs retrieved with one embryo to implant. Despite the low numbers, her path led to having a healthy baby boy. The take-home message was this: one healthy egg, one healthy sperm, one embryo … it just takes one.
Read more fertility journey stories like Lily and Adrian’s story.
Same is true for many things in life. It only takes one date to find a spouse; one interview to lead to a job offer; one trip to find a new passion or hobby; one bid or offer to buy a house, or even one embryo to start a family. While sometimes it takes more than just one, it does start and end with one. Even my dad quietly reminds me those days I pour my heart out to him and just want to cry or throw my hands up in frustration. “My darling daughter,” my dad would say, “keep going and remember it just takes one.” He is right .. every time .. it just takes one.
There is no perfect moment. No time when you will know enough to guarantee you will get what you want. No time when you will be 100 percent sure that you’re ready to have a child, fall in love, take a job, move cross-country, build a business, show your work, stand in your truth, pursue your dreams. Still, at some point imperfectly informed, with butterflies in your belly, you’ll still need to act. To own your unknown.
What I have come to learn is, you don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward. Sure, it would be great to know what is going to happen next. But life is a journey and there will always be twists and turns, good times and bad, or life events getting in the way of your plans. Listen to your gut. Try not to regret anything that has happened in your life. Don’t look back too often. It cannot be changed, undone, or forgotten. Take it as a lesson learned and move on. Believe you are destined for great things and then go out into the world and make it happen. You can do it.